


From Hate comes Love

by Wierdowithagun



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Homosexuality, M/M, POV First Person, Swearing, Vague nudity, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-05
Updated: 2014-06-05
Packaged: 2018-02-03 13:16:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1746023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wierdowithagun/pseuds/Wierdowithagun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kakuzu... just doesn't understand some of his own choices. But in the end, maybe it's worth it... maybe...</p>
            </blockquote>





	From Hate comes Love

I've heard thoroughly of the mid-life crisis. It could possibly said that I've went through it, though that would have been so long ago I can't even recall. I may not be a young man anymore, but I'm not old. Even young men can't pull off what I can do with ease.

What's so great about being young? Youth is wasted on the young.  
Speaking of youth being wasted, and mid-life crisis, I've made my share of mistakes, and collected more than enough regrets in my lifetime. But this time, I really have to stand back, look at what's become of my life, and ask myself...

"What the fuck is wrong with me?"

* * *

 

"Kakuzu! You fuckin' old fuck! Give it back!"

"You will get it back when you learn to shut your insolent mouth."

"I'm not kidding Kuzu! I swear to god I'll sacrifice all 5 of your stupid hearts when you're sleeping!"

"I'm not hearing any silence."

"..."

"..."

"There! Now give it baaaack!"

I sighed deeply; there really was no winning with Hidan. That blessed 5 seconds of quiet is usually the best I can get in a day. Even when he's sleeping the idiot still mumbles threats to invisible enemies.

"Kakuzu! Don't fuckin' ignore me! Give it! I need it!"

The moron was practically climbing on top of me, like a hyperactive toddler with no friends.

"Fine. But I don't have it, you have to go find it, and leave me in peace."

"Are you fucking kidding me!? You son of a bitch, I'll rip off your asshole and make you eat it!"

I never know what he's going to say, I don't think he even knows what toxic waste is about to spew out of that accursed delectable young face of his. And that being the case, I rarely even know when I'm about to snap. I used to be so calm and collected; my self-control was awed by anyone who lived through an encounter with me. But this brat, this sorry excuse for a living being, I just can't keep my head around him.

And I lost it then, just for a moment. Before either of us knew what was happening I'd stood up, reached back behind me at an angle that would have been physically impossible for any normal man to reach, grabbed that insufferable child by the throat, and pinned him up against the wall.

He tried uselessly to kick at me, choking out gargled threats and swearing, as usual. My head was throbbing behind my eyes, and I leaned in very close to him and growled as threateningly as I could.

"If you don't leave me in peace in the next three fucking seconds, I'm going to end your useless life."

That idiot, I don't think anything could actually threaten him, anything said to him was just as useless as all his meaningless promises.

"Phuggin.. dry id... ol' man.."

At least I didn't have to listen to his usual voice in this position. I couldn't help myself, his face was turning such a wonderful shade of blue. I gripped tighter, as tight as I could. He flailed weakly for a few more seconds, and then his eyes rolled backwards, and he was out.

I sighed again, releasing my grip and letting him fall to the floor like a pile of bricks. I stood there for a good 10 minutes, eyes closed, just enjoying the absolute lack of noise. I soon realized that I only had roughly another 10 minutes until he woke up, screeching out his stupid threats like a brainless monkey, trying to kill me in retaliation.

As quickly as I could, I dragged his body out back, tossed him in the reinforced dog kennel I spent precious hundreds of dollars on for the sake of keeping him away from me for a few blessed hours, and returned into the house to find his stupid necklace. A few moments later I had thrown his beloved Jashinist pendant on top of his limp body, closed the door, locked the gate, and reinforced it with as many of my chakra-entwined threads as I could spare.

That should give me a good 3 hours. It wouldn't be complete silence, as hard as I've tried, I failed to make our walls entirely soundproof. There would still be the faintest hint of his screaming, and of course the futile attempts to escape.

But for now, I needed a fucking bottle of aspirin and a nap.

* * *

 

"This is why I hate playing with these two! Especially Pinocchio over there! I think I'm literally the only person in this room that feels actual emotions! How can I compete with those poker faces?"

"Kisame shut up and fold." Itachi said calmly. "You know you're just going to lose."

"Hell no. Not this time red-eyes." Kisame boldly stated, crouching down over his hand and shuffling through them. "You don't even know, you're going down."

I sighed. Poker wouldn't be fun with at least a little bit of banter, but this was bordering on childish. I had enough of that throughout my days, I was lucky enough that Hidan was out with Deidara, probably blowing up city property that I would have to pay for. I didn't care though, it was well worth it to have time away from that moron, and spend it swindling cash out of the few people I associate with that I could stand.

"Just make your move so Kakuzu can take our money and stop moping over there in the corner.." Sasori rummaged through his hand as he spoke, luckily for me I wasn't a stupid kid. I knew his tricks, he was trying to make me feel like I had the upper hand. Of course, I always did. I don't take this kind of thing lightly, and I don't need luck, not when I have all the cards I need hidden beneath my stitches.

"You do seem a little more irritated today." Itachi stated plainly.

"You would be irritated too if you lived with him."

"If you hate him so much then why do you stay with him eh?" Kisame laughed, "Oh, I forgot, you like'em young and stupid."

"Hoshigaki, if you don't play something soon I'll be forced to end your life."

"Alright, easy old man..." Kisame laid out his cards. "Two pair bitches!"

There was a silence around the room.

"What?"

"Kisame are you sure you know how to play this game?"

"Shut up you living doll. Two of a pair is good."

"Not when it's two's and three's."

"Well fine smart-ass let's see what you got."

Sasori rolled his eyes and started laying his cards down when the garage door was suddenly wrenched open. Kisame jumped, the rest of us just sighed heavily.

"What's going on bitches!?" Hidan stumbled into the garage, reeking of alcohol. Deidara shuffled in, snickering, behind him. "Oh shit Kuzu, I forgot its poker night, have you shoved it up their asses yet? Because I'm fucking hungry, I'm craving pizza."

My head started throbbing again, I took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of my nose. I wasn't going to let him get to me.

"Do you hear me stitches? Don't fucking ignore me."

"Hidan. Why are you naked?"

He stared at me like I was crazy.

"What?"

I took another deep breath.

"Why aren't you wearing clothes."

"I think the real question here is why aren't you not wearing clothes."

"Hidan."

"Tch, can't a man let his junk out without being questioned? For fuck's sake Kakuzu."

"They burned off, hm. The idiot caught himself on fire with a sparkler of all things."

"Shut up Blondie."

"Hey kiss my ass you albino fuck!"

I stood up so suddenly that the table was pushed forward, hitting Itachi in the gut and making Kisame and Sasori follow suit.

"Both of you shut the fuck up."

Itachi was getting up from the table, his expression told me he was fighting another coughing fit, no doubt brought on by having a poker table shoved into him. Kisame was helping him, he nodded to me and muttered something about it being time to scram, and they left. This only angered me more. Not only had I accidentally injured a close acquaintance because of that moron, I had also lost money because of him.

Hidan just grinned at me from across the room.

"You mad bro?"

Again, I lost it. Without moving from my spot I extended my arm across the room, grabbed him by the throat and dragged him violently back to me. He was lifted into the air, and Sasori waved a quick farewell before dragging Deidara out the garage door by the wrist.

"You insolent little pest. I should tear you apart and bury your filthy remains all across the country."

He gargled out some incomprehensible comeback.

"Go put some damn clothes on and come accept your punishment, brat." I tossed him aside and began putting up the mess I'd made of the garage. He cleared and rubbed his throat gingerly.

"I love it when you talk nasty Kuzu."

He was knocked out cold by one of Kisame's empty beer bottles.

* * *

 

"Noo turn it back Kuzu! That's our soong!" Hidan slapped my hand away from the car radio and pushed the reverse seek button.

I growled, but left it alone. He could listen to whatever he wanted as long as he didn't pester me.

"Well Baby You're all that I want!" He sang, though if you ask me it was more like a screech.

"When you're lying here in my arms!"

He looked at me and smiled, holding his hands up to mimic the lyrics.

"I'm finding it hard to believe, WE'RE IN HEAVEENN!"

I slammed my finger onto the forward seek button.

"Oh sweet mother of Jashin, Kuzu, can't you just be romantic once and awhile."

"Romantic and retarded are two different things Hidan."

Hidan laughed obnoxiously, "You sound so weird when you say that."

I closed my eyes for a second, inhaling, and exhaling slowly. "When I say what?"

"Retarded. It sounds weird coming from you. You're too old, it's fucking weird."

I didn't reply. Car rides with Hidan were the absolute worst form of torture in the world. Trying to drive and throttle someone was incredibly difficult, even for me. We were both stuck there, no more than 2 feet away from each other for an extended amount of time, and of course I was never lucky enough for him to doze off. He was a hyperactive little twit.

"You know, if you'd convert, like truly and honestly accept Lord Jashin into your life, He could make you younger. Or at least make you look it."

I rolled my eyes. Here we went again. The fool couldn't go a whole day without trying to get me to accept his stupid made-up religion.

"He could fix everything about you, you know. You could be truly immortal, and not have to rely on other people's hearts. And he could free you from your obsession with earthy possessions, like money. He could take away your stitches and turn your eyes the right color..."

"Shut up Hidan."

"C'mon. Don't tell me you've never fucking thought about it. People wouldn't be scared of you all the time."

"That's how I prefer it."

"You don't mean that."

"Shut up, or I'm going to kill you."

"You promise?"

"Hidan, You're pushing it."

"Oh relax Old man, I'm trying to have a serious fucking conversation here. Don't be such a dick."

"..."

"I see the way you eyeball me when we're out in public. People are scared of you, but everybody loves me! And you know why?"

"Because you're just a brainless as them?"

"No! Because I'm hot. And I'm alive with the glory of Jashin. People can sense these things. They can smell it."

"You're an idiot."

"Hey, suck a dick Kakuzu."

"Why don't you? That's about all you're good for."

"FUCK YOU!"

"That's what I said."

And there he went, off on one of his rants. I had to admit, I might have smiled just a little bit. It was just as fun for me to piss him off as it was for him to do it to me. When He was really mad, he would turn this captivating shade of red. On some occasions he'd even attack me, the idiot. Of course it would never be said out loud, but it was somewhat fun. He was a moron, and strategically he was a toddler, but he could do some serious damage. To anyone else, that is. I am and will always be far too strong for him to ever physically overpower.

"That's not really all you keep me around for is it?"

The sudden quietness of his voice brought my attention back to him.

"Yes."

"Shut up! You fuckin' liar!"

"I would never lie to you Hidan."

"LIES! You fucking heretic! You fucking love me."

"Love is a word that mortals use to justify the stupidity of their meaningless existence."

"Your mother justified your stupidity last night."

"Clever."

"Shut up, how much fucking longer to I have to sit in this damned car with you?"

"You could jump out now."

"Stop being such an ass, fuckhead. I'm serious, do you really hate me?"

"Which answer will make you shut up."

"The true one."

"Then no."

"I fucking thought so."

"I thought you said you'd shut your mouth."

"Tch, you love the melodious sound of my voice. You just pretend to hate me."

I reached up to turn up the radio. I'd rather listen to Kesha than continue suffering through this conversation. Ugh, I'm disgusted with myself for even knowing who sings that wretched song. Music is just as pointless as love. Another justification of a waste of life.

Hidan surprisingly went silent, and turned to the window for the rest of the drive.

* * *

 

I sat at the bar, wondering why the hell I was even there. Tobi had thrown some party for some stupid reason that probably didn't even make sense. Had I refused to go, I would be the only one of my 'friends' that wasn't there. Besides, I admit I did enjoy the occasional beer from time to time. And The lollipop headed freak was paying for it anyway.

And so there I sat, a rooms distance away from any non-strangers. I didn't mind, the music may be loud, the chatter may be annoying. But at least I was being left alone. Hidan was over God-knows-where doing I don't care what. Probably either causing trouble, or about to.

And that was fine, he could get himself killed for all I cared, I wasn't putting up with his shit tonight. I'd just been on a hell of a bounty hunt, the target lived almost half-way around the world, and had almost half a million lackies that were not as weak as I had anticipated. They'd reduced be to two hearts. Even after all that, I was probably even more disturbed by realizing in the midst of battle that I wished Hidan was with me. After my third heart had been destroyed, a very small part of me thought that maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't make it out of this one.

But I had. And here I was, alive as ever, though 3 masks short. No one had even mentioned it, and they were lucky they hadn't. Even if it had been Sasori, who was admittedly the one I disliked the least, I probably still would have snapped his wooden neck.

I had made it through without the help of that insufferable Jashinist. I was just fine on my own. Alone.

"Hey. What's a handsome guy like you doing sitting here all alone?"

The disruptive voice was feminine, which was a hell of a lot better than the alternative. So I turned to the stranger.

"Can I buy you a beer tough guy?"

I stared at her, and turned back to my original position. She was just some bar slut, too drunk to even realize her breasts were about to fall out of her shirt.

"Don't be like that," She scooted onto the bar stool aside me, and turned in my direction, one hand propping up her head. "Everyone needs a little lovin'." She ran her free hand down my back, in between my masks, too drunk to ask or care what they were. I squeezed my beer bottle so hard I could hear it start to crack.

The patches of skin back there were extremely sensitive, it could be said it was a bit of a weak spot. Anyone who touched me there, male or female, was usually dead within a nano-second. It didn't matter if there was a shirt separating her skin from mine. It didn't matter that I preferred not to kill in a crowded location, where every on-looker would probably try to get involved.

I let go of the glass bottle and turned just in time to see her be pulled from her chair by her ponytail. Perhaps I was a little drunk, but my murderous intent dissipated almost instantly.

It was Hidan, he must've had an eye on me the entire time from wherever he was sitting.

He had the bitch by her hair, holding her just half an inch of the ground, she was squealing and kicking and cursing, causing everyone in the establishment to turn and gawk like idiots.

"First of all, bitch. Don't fucking touch him. Second of all, don't fucking touch him there. Third, If you don't leave right fucking now you and every dumb fucker in here that tries to defend you will be slaughtered and sacrificed to Jashin."

I could feel the expression I was making, however faint it was. I only ever expressed anger, for anyone to see me making that face... well. It just didn't happen. Luckily, no one was paying attention to me.

"Get your hands off me asshole!" She managed to swing her leg with enough force to rock her body just enough to make impact with Hidan's thigh.

I smiled just the tiniest bit, despite myself. Damn that infernal alcohol.

Hidan's face contorted into a malicious grin, and in one seconds time he had thrown her across the entire length of the room, lunged toward her, pulled out one of his stakes and impaled her with such force that she was literally pinned up against the wall by the pike through her chest.

She was alive long enough to cough up a large amount of blood, tell him to fuck himself, and piss her pants.

"God dammit.." Kisame said from somewhere in the room.

No one else moved, not until I got up, and all eyes were on me.

I looked at Hidan across the room, and he looked back at me.

He smiled, I turned to leave, and he followed.

Minutes later we heard the sirens as we wound our way through alley after alley, trying to get back home. I could feel Hidan's pride radiating off him. I didn't say anything though, lest the beautiful silence be interrupted. But that didn't matter, that never mattered, not with Hidan.

"The bitch touched you Kuzu."

"I'm aware of that."

"Why didn't you stop her?"

"I was about to before you put on that little show."

He was silent for 3 entire minutes after that, if memory serves.

"Did you see all the chicks hitting on me?"

"No."

"They were pissing me off."

"Hn."

"Why didn't you stop them?"

"I just told you I didn't see them."

"Don't lie. You were watching me, just like I was watching you."

"I wasn't."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why weren't you watching me?"

"Why would I?"

"Because the stupid whores were hitting on me! Grabbing me all over, one was practically straddling me!"

"Good for her."

I felt a sharp pain on the back of my head. I froze, anger flaring up like a gasoline fed fire. I turned around, Hidan was in a cautious stance, ready to defend himself. His face looked like that of a 10 year old that didn't get what he wanted for Christmas.

"Have a death wish, do we?"

"Shut up dickhead."

"Excuse me?"

"I said shut the fuck up."

"You little fucking twerp, don't fucking talk to me like that."

"Kiss my ass. You can't do shit to me. You can kill me and kill me all you want but I'll just keep coming back." He paused to think over this statement. "And I don't even fucking know why. Cause you sure as shit could give two fucks about me. You ass."

"You sound like a little girl."

"And you sound like a miserable old man who's gonna fucking die alone if you don't stop being such a fuckhead."

I turned and continued walking. The lack of footsteps following me alerted me a little, but I didn't turn around. If he wanted to throw a tantrum and spend the night in an alley, he had every right to. I'd enjoy a peaceful nights rest.

Besides, I would never die. Not if I had anything to say about it.

* * *

 

"Eat it all Hidan."

"Fuck you."

"I didn't pay for an entire meal when you're only going to eat half."

"I didn't fucking ask you to. This was your idea, shitface."

Again, I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Hidan if you don't stop acting like a child I'm going to start treating you like one."

"You already do you stupid old miser."

"Fine." I stood up and collected my empty plate, and his half empty one. "Don't expect me to feed you then. You go out and make your own money and feed yourself." By the time I came back into the room, Hidan was gone. I didn't think much of it. To me it was just a chance to sit down and read. To enjoy the silence without having to flee my own house, or be on a solo bounty hunt. I finally had some time to just relax.

I'd had a lot of time to do that the past few weeks, actually. Hidan had been suspiciously un-intrusive. I never really bothered to ask him where he was or what he was doing, because I couldn't care less.

There was, on occasion, a few nights where he didn't come home. The first time, I didn't really care. To be honest I didn't even notice until I woke up the next morning and his side of the bed was still made. Even then I didn't think much of it. The second time it happened, I was irritated. If he wasn't going to sleep in the fucking house I was paying for, he could at least get his shit and take it with him.

The third time it happened... I don't really know what I was. Angry, obviously. But there was something else, it didn't feel right, and I didn't like it.

I put down my book and looked at the time. Somehow, 6 hours had passed, and I hadn't heard a single noise all throughout the house.

I sighed and set down my novel, probably harder than necessary, and yanked myself out of the chair. I stretched, which sounded a sickening series of cracks to break the silence. Not because I'm old, my back just gets stiff when I sit too long. Not because I'm old.

"Enough of this." I said to myself. I was going to go out and find Hidan, and bring him back. I was tired of this crap. If he didn't want to live here then he needed to collect his things.

After that thought came that weird feeling again. It made my chest hurt a little.

I shook it off. I had to go find that moron. He was probably off getting addicted to heroin, and fuck if I was going to let that shit in my house.

I had been looking for a good two hours. The daylight was long gone, and the thin jacket I had grabbed wasn't keeping me warm. It was mid-August after all, and I wasn't a walking radiator like that moron I'm after. Knowing him, he's probably going about whatever he's doing stark naked right now.

And there was another strange feeling. I want to say maybe.. I missed him? But that was ridiculous. I was just going to find him and tell him that my house isn't a storage facility. I was getting really irritated now, I'm not gonna walk around all night long for his sake. And as much as I didn't want to, I pulled out the phone and called Sasori. Hidan was probably hanging out with that wanna-be terrorist, and he could tell me where those pair of morons were.

To my surprise, The puppet-master had no idea where he was. Deidara had apparently been home all day. Good god, I felt like a parent.

Alright, so Hidan either found other friends who would tolerate his psychotic personality, or he was doing something alone. My initial plan had been to show up unexpectedly and throttle him until he cooperated. But if I had to call him, I suppose I would. It was getting close to midnight now, after all.

He didn't pick up the first time. The second time it was one ring away from voice mail when he did.

"Hm?"

"Where are you?"

"None of your business shit-eater."

"Hidan don't toy with me, I've been out looking for you for hours."

"Oh, how sweet of you mommy."

_"Mommy?"_

I paused, my chest burned with the sudden explosion of anger.

"Who was that?"

"No one. Listen Kakuzu I'm fine just fuckin' go home and go to bed. Your old bones can't be out this late."

"Who are you with?"

"No one."

"Hidan don't fucking lie to me."

"Why Kuzu? You jealous?"

"You insufferable brat. I'll find you and when I do I'm going to break your neck, drag you home by your hair and throw you in that cage for days."

"Ohhh, you are jealous! I knew you fuckin' love me!"

"Tell me where you are and I'll kill you quickly."

_"Hidan hurry up! I can't do this shit alone."_

"Just shut up! I'm on the phone!"

I waited for a few moments while random clicks and muffled voices sounded over the phone. My blood boiled. If that little brat has the balls to cheat on me, He'll never see the light of day again.

"Kuzu, okay. I'm not even in town."

"Then where out of town are you?" It was no easy task to keep the malice out of my voice.

He paused, and sighed heavily before finally answering. "South of town, about 12 miles. There's a road called Bangor, it's on the right side. I'm probably 20 or so miles down that road."

"How did you get there?"

"I got a fucking ride! Geez, what's with the interrogation! I thought you didn't give a fuck?"

"I'm coming to get you."

"What? Why!"

I hung up. It was at least another hour walk back to my house, and then another hour to get to where he was. By then whoever he was fucking could have escaped, gotten passports, and fled the country. Needless to say, when I got home, I didn't waste any time. When I was finally in the car, I didn't stop for red lights, or slow down to the speed limits. The cops were deathly afraid of both of us, so Hidan usually got away with his shit. I usually attempted to obey the law, just for diplomacy.

I made it there in just under an hour, not counting how long it took me to walk (briskly) back home. I came up to a house, a rather nice one actually, all the lights were off, and aside from a two door garage, there didn't seem to be any other places to hide.

My head was throbbing again. I'd had quite enough of this. I ripped my jacket and shirt off and released my other hearts. One went racing off to the garage while the other three and I stormed up into the house. Hidan would witness a fury of mine so evil he would give up his religion and die worshipping me.

I kicked in the door, and my masks flooded in. To my surprise, Hidan was standing there, not 10 feet from me grinning like the idiot he is, one single spotlight above him illuminating him and a small circle around him.. I felt my face twist with anger and suspicion. He was holding a wine glass, with what looked to be a wine bottle in the other, and he was wearing jeans, without any holes or tears. A black tie hung down over his naked chest..

"Hidan, you have five seconds to explain what the fuck is going on."

"It's your birthday."

I stopped, relaxing out of sheer surprise.

"What?"

"I said it's your birthday, dumbass. Need a hearing aid?"

I was silent, not because I chose to be. But for once because I was confused as fuck.

"Where is the man you were talking to?"

"That was Sue.. sui... I don't fucking remember his name. He's Kisame's nephew's dog's cousin or some shit like that."

"I don't understand."

Hidan grinned even wider and started walking toward me. "You mean you, Kakuzu, the master of all fucking knowledge everywhere, doesn't understand?"

I glared at him. This was getting old. "Just fucking explain."

Hidan laughed. It was surprisingly pleasant, not his normal laugh at all. "He's gone, I made everyone leave. No one else gets to share your reaction."

I looked around the room, it was just an empty house. There was nothing to react to.

I looked back at him, waiting for an answer.

He sighed and held his arms out. "I made you this. It's your present. Well, I didn't fucking make it. A lot of people helped, but I mean.. Well let's just fucking stick with 'I made it'."

He reached behind him and flipped a switch, and the entire floor illuminated. My facial muscles lost any tensity they were holding. It was the inside of a house, obviously, but.. it was so elegant. The floors looked marble, there were columns, granite counter-tops, the walls were some kind of shimmery red stone.

"I was going to furnish it too, and show it to you tomorrow during the day. But I guess this fucking works too."

"Hidan... How'd you pay for this?"

"That, dear Kuzu, Is for me to know and you to never find out."

I continued to look, well, I'll admit it was more like gawking, at the house.

"You like it?... Yea, you fucking like it. Just wait, This is only one room, There's another floor upstairs, and a basement, and a garage with a basement too."

"Hidan this had to have cost hundreds of thousands of dollars."

"Something like that."

"Are you insane?"

"I just want you to love me back Kakuzu."

There was a very long, very uncomfortable silence.

He's waiting for me to say it. I thought, thought it was so quiet it almost seemed like I said it out loud. But I'm not going to.

The thing about Hidan and my relationship, is that it's not romantic. It's not fluffy and all that useless crap that every teenage girl obsesses over. It's real. We are being our real selves, and I always thought we both understood and accepted that.

I suddenly felt violently ill.

"You insolent little shit. If you're expecting either a thank you or a profession of my love for you, you're an idiot."

"I'm not. But now you can't act all big and bad. And you can't tell me to put on clothes, or fucking... anything else. Cause guess what, I made this house, and I paid for it. Even though I'm giving it to you. And also, next time we're out in public, and someone hits on me or something. Just punch them in the face. Just fucking once."

I stared at him. By now, my other mask had returned and was standing behind me in line like all the others. I quickly had them all retreat back to their places.

"You were jealous as fuck huh old man?"

"No."

"Oh fuck yes you were! You don't ever let those fuckers out unless you're pissed all to hell!"

"Shut up Hidan."

"Maan Your face was red as fuck. If fuck was red then your face would have been fuck!"

"Shut up Hidan!"

"I know you love me Kuzu. You don't have to say it. Since you're such a big manly man."

"Give me some of that wine before I destroy you."

"'Kay, you want it in a big manly tankard? Or will a girly wine glass do? Oh shit, its way past man' oh clock, you better get into your big manly bed."

"Hidan I'm warning you."

He'd started again, and before he knew what was happening I'd grabbed him by the throat, lifted him off the ground, and kissed the living fuck out of him.

* * *

 

I've heard thoroughly of the mid-life crisis. It could possibly said that I've went through it, though that would have been so long ago I can't even recall. I may not be a young man anymore, but I'm not old. I'm not a sappy person, and I don't do things without purpose.

But I suppose everyone has their faults, even wise old men like me.

Without youth, there wouldn't be aged, and without moronic, albino religious shit-for-brains,

I would be an old fucking man.

"What the fuck is wrong with me?"

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit. I wrote this all in one day. Hooray for having inspiration.  
> * If fuck was red then your face would have been fuck!" --My friend kept pestering me to make sure everyone knows she's the one who coined that phrase. xD Love you girl.
> 
> Anyway, I know Kakuzu is probably really out of character, and I'm sure Hidan might have been at points. And I'm sorry, I tried really hard, but it's so fucking difficult. Kakuzu's just such a bastard... that I love... A lot. Like.. borderline obsession...  
> What?  
> Nothing...
> 
> So, yea, review! If you don't I'll find you and eat your soul.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
